we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
