After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
