Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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