Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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