Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
