my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Enjoy the penises
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