I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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