i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
50% drunk capacity currently
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
