You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
