She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
