Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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