If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
please come you make the beer taste better
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
