Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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