wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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