Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
