Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
