Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There's always time for handjobs
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
