Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
