It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
