My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
