Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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