areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
