you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
