Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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