I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
