I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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