she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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