I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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