Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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