I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
