Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
