so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
