She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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