oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
