I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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