Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
