Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We're too hungover to prance.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
