I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
