omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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