Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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