Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
