Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
