If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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