One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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