I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
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Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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