what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
