I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
