oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
