Your tits are I can't wait for
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
