can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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