Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
