he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
