Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
