A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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