But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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