Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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