Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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