i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
