Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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