We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
