At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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