so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
