She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
