I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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