I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
