You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
