What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
