I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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