Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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