who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
