toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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